Question 11:- What is hurting you the most in your life right now (Even if it’s the ashes of a previous fire) and how could you best burn this pain through words? How can you most optimally reframe your story (Or stories) of loss through your writing and recycle your heart into art? Think in terms of what type of project, style, narrative, voice, and literary resources could best illustrate what your heart is dying to get out.
Two main elements of Pain:
Expectations and Disappointments – I know, I know! Never expect = no disappointments.. Honestly, I know.. But being human sometimes you can’t help it; and Allah knows I canNOT help it! Here it goes
- I am disappointed that I have yet to obtain my PhD, though my entire life I had planned to have it by the time I reached 30.
- I am disappointed in the vanity and lack of honor of human beings. The greed for power and control never ceases to amaze me, even with the gentlest of souls. You know, you grow up sheltered thinking that life will always be as you were at 10 years old; fast forward about 20 years and not even our parents expected such a drastic change?! I remember the “idea” of a decent, kind human being and nowadays such a person no longer exists. And, should he/she actually exist they are bathed in dishonesty, pride and cruelty.
- I am disappointed in not being where I want to be creatively with my writing, though I had never set a time frame for my novel; I had just assumed that by my 30s I would have been inspired by now. I guess I need to stop waiting to be inspired and rather inspire my damn self!
- I am disappointed that my career hasn’t gone according to plan. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do; but… 9 years later? I think it’s about time to move on to something more challenging to my soul, wouldn’t you agree?
My biggest pain stems from the questions that rise in my mind, that haunt me every single waking hour –
- What is my life purpose? What have I learnt so far in my short-lived life? Should I die tomorrow, what will people say of me? Think of me? Have I done enough?
- Why do I constantly feel like something is missing? What happens if I never find it? And what if I don’t? What if it is SO not what I expected, what then? Will I or can I be satisfied?
- Are they proud of me? Am I proud of myself? When I face Allah, will I stand tall and say, “I used every talent you blessed me with, I am ready for the afterlife.”? Or will I shy away?
Feelings that come to mind right now:
- Anger, Betrayal, Confusion,
- Untrustworthy, Revenge, Retribution,
- Strength, Courage, Grace, Let go,
- Loneliness, Disappointment, Expectations, Happiness, Love
I do not know how I would frame my story according to my experiences; I suppose thats the beauty of writing via inspiration, you never truly know until it happens.
Question 12:- What are the top 3 fears or feelings of inadequancy about your writing, which may be holding you back from showing up to your fullest potential and jumping from the highest cliff? Can you see how these writing fears are related to – and maybe even derived from your greater fears in life? (All things are one).
- Value – Not having anything important to say; Am I good enough?
- Rejection – Fear of my writing being rejected, Or people that read my writing reject me.
- Failure – What happens if I can’t do this? What happens if I lose my voice?
And yes, all the above are reflections of fears that I struggle with daily.